We all desire to be loved, whether it be loved by family member, friends or partner. It is probably one of the greatest feelings and the most difficult to obtain due to the risks involved. There are times our desire to love consumes us to the point we lose ourselves without even knowing, manifesting in all sorts of ways -destructive ways. We either surpress our feelings or vest too much, and in some cases we feel nothing at all -just numb. Why? It is because we have been through too much or is it because we have been through too little? Or is it just who we are? There really is no right answer to any of these questions, because it is all subjective and only understood through our perspective; and yet, they hold such predence over us and our choice of actions. Why? Because the heart is fragile, and with age the mind becomes highly engaged in matters of the heart -life becomes risker.
As we get older, we begin to really understand how precious time really is, it is more valuable than money. Money can be made, but time can’t be created. And, with time we gain wisdom through our experiences, both good and bad. We create walls and barriers to protect ourselves, but then sometimes we let them down for the wrong people or sometimes we never even had them up for those people. The former usually happens because our desire to be loved is so strong it consume us, either we change who we are by accepting too much or accepting too little. In the latter, we were blindsided, we never thought our hearts were at jeopardy, there wasn’t a need to protect ourselves of set individual(s). In both instances, the hit refirms our self-doubt, our fear of not being good enough to be loved or not worthy of love. The question is why do we have this self-doubt? Is it really a product of our life experiences, a consequent of hardship or lack of ? Or is it because we really don’t give ourselves enough credit and we require reassurance? The thing is we will never rid ourselves of these thoughts, if we keep seeking answers in others.
The key is in knowing who we are, what we want and what we need from those around us, especially from those that we allow close to our hearts. Note, this is completely different from having expectations, this is aligning ourselves with nothing less than what we deserve – no bullshit. This means understanding the things we need for ourselves to live a healthy life with a healthy state of mind free from doubt and insecurities. If we stay true to what we want, need and who we are, we will know exactly who to give our time too and avoid the hardship. We will not only understand our weakiest of thoughts, our insecurities, our fears… we will be decihper those that feed our weaknesses or those that don’t. Once, we can sort through the individuals on our life, we will come to know who is worthy of our time, who build us up and let’s us grow or who tears us down with our eyes closed. Only then do we have all the tools required to make a wise decision on who we ought to keep and/or allow into our lives, it just comes down to make a decision and commitment to staying true to want we need and want, as well as who we are rather than succumbing to the fear of not being good enough.
Black & White Answers is about the journey of life… doubt and hurt… deceit, pain and love. It encompasses all that is, all that was and all that will be. A collection of poems, which tells more than just a story… They share a journey, the search on how to find, and love yourself amidst heartache. It asks and answers questions which the soul desires while the heart dreads, yet the mind appreciates. It is a clearing…