In my YouTube video, In Times of Change – Insecurities, I discuss what it means to step outside your comfort zone and the impact insecurities (fears) have, not only on ourselves but on those around us. And, I wanted to take this time to dig a bit deeper for us to truly grasp what it is we are doing in, not only times of change, but throughout life. Whether or not we like to admit, many of us don’t do well with change, for change brings the something new, something different that is unknown to us and that is a scary thing. We stick to playing within our comfort zone, to what we know -we play it safe. In one way, you create this amazing set of guidelines that allows you to succeed, it plays a significant role in everything that you do, everything you have accomplished, but it has its limitations. For one, we neglect to see what we create for ourselves due to these insecurities -this way of being- second, we fail to acknowledge how these insecurities are perceived and understood by others, how they impact them.
Throughout life, we create this way of being, how we act, how we think -it is how we live. We create guidelines for ourselves, methods of protection as form of self-preservation, so to say. Our comfort zone is a means of self-preservation and it naturally comes its own set of fears -insecurities. In one way, we are in fact protecting ourselves, but in another way we hinder ourselves by sticking only to what is comfortable. The thing is our comfort zone hinders us more than we think – it restricts our ability to grow. We become so consumed with being comfortable, not daring to step into unknown territory and explore the possibilities that lay beyond the walls we have created. We live a life filled with limits and restrictions, allowing our insecurities and fears to dictate our actions, how we interact with others, how engage in the world -who we allow ourselves to be. Is that a life worth living? One where you are too afraid to push through your fears and insecurities to potentially have something much greater than you already do, that is a life without limits and restrictions, a life that opens doors to things that you never had before.
For example, it may be that you are fearful of confrontation, sticking by your guns on an issue and you’re fearful of being persuaded; therefore you avoid the conversation, just pretend like it doesn’t need to be spoken about, for time will explain everything. By doing this, you are limiting yourself, doubting your ability to be strong and confident in your decisions. The ripple affect that that has on your life is tremendous, it has you playing within a playing field that don’t require you to be bold, which in turn can allow others to take advantage of you or can actually make you shy away from opportunities that require set boldness. Now in terms of how it affects the other individual involved, it can make them feel unimportant and insignificant. The thing is the other person has to no idea where you are at, they have no clue as to what is going on in your head, and yet you think they will somehow know your thought process behind everything. And that is definitely not the case, no two people understand the world in the same way, no one can understand your way of thinking unless explained. So the other person isn’t seeing it at all the way you are, they have internalized your insecurity/fears and portrayed on themselves. For they perceives it as being insignificant in your eyes granted that, you are unable to allocate your time to them, this then causes two things for them, they make it about them (something they did or did not do) or they see it as not ever being significant at all. Yet, that was never your intention, for you were just protecting yourself, right? Yes, but at what cost?
Although, you are doing something great for yourself by protecting yourself from whatever harm or awkwardness you think may come, you are failing to understand the perspective on the other side. You may want nothing to do with that person and in that case, it may not matter to you how they feel, but in the case that you actually care, it is important to understand how your way of being comes across, how insignificant you can make others feel due to your fears and insecurities. For the only way to rid yourself of any of this is by doing the vary thing you are most afraid of doing.
C. Remi xox