Background – Numb Pt. 2

So, here is a bit of background, something I’ll dive deeper into later on in the story. But for now I’ll give you a quick overview. I grew up in a European household with traditional, yet modern ground rules. My parents immigrated to Canada at a young age, pre-teens; old enough to have accepted the old school ways of thinking, yet young enough to adopt a modern day thinking -60/40 kind of thing. And, as much as they are modern in their ways, they are all about tough-love in an old school kind of way. 

Both of my parents are extremely dedicated and hard-working. They have managed to accomplish quite a bit for themselves, while always ensuring that me and brother understood the value in working hard. Yes, we had more opportunities than most, but it was never just given. As much as our parents are easy going, they are tough individuals; nothing came easy to them, so you better believe nothing will come easy for you, which is something I agree with 100%.

Now, due to my parents achievements, they are well known in the community. Therefore, everything you do or say is under a micro-scoop. And if you don’t already know Europeans, you are always under a micro-scoop, everyone watches you; even more so if you come attached with a certain level of influence.

 The level of scrutiny is unreal in the community, which most definitely increases the pressures of being a certain way, or else what would people say? What would people think? Life had to appear a certain way, regardless of whether or not it actually was that way. For you are judged, criticized and most definitely the topic of conversation should you act ‘out of sorts’. In other words, if you are different, there is a problem. And in my case, that is exactly who I am -very different. 

And for that reason, life was a bit of a rollercoaster, since I could remember it had been a vicious cycle. The gradual built up of turmoil bubbling waiting to explode, and it would and nothing would change. That meant accepting a lot, holding in a lot, overlooking a lot. It meant adapting to whatever situation you had to; regardless of what was going in. As if everything was just fine for the sake of appearance and fear of judgment, it meant never talking about anything, because everything was okay. Get it?! Zero communication. 

Everything was just swept under the rug and let me tell you, it was a hell of a mountain… And, guess what? There was nothing that could be done about it, it was the way it had to be regardless of how much it impacted me. It was the way of life…

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