I did a lot of stupid shit, because I didn’t care. I became so reckless, I only cared to forget -to numb and nothing else. I was in a place of complete and utter emptiness, lost so much weight, you saw bones, weighted 115 pounds and I am 5’6”. There are so many other stories and I won’t into details, as some are incriminating, but let’s just say I was fucked. But, I will share some other crazy stories, but not just yet, because this story isn’t about that, this story is about something much bigger… so, let’s back back to it… A lot happened, stupid, crazy, ridiculous, unbelievable moments, and then, it all came crashing down, everything revealed itself… shit got real…My parents found out.
How? I’ll paint the picture for you.
It was a Saturday night, me and my friend just came back from a club it was roughly two am. We walk up my stairs to find the lights on and my parents waiting in the living room -horrifying. And as we opened the door and walked in, the first thing uttered was “sit down, we need to talk”. Probably the scariest words you could ever hear from a parent, especially ones that don’t talk about anything… I knew shit was real at that moment. And so, the conversation began… They found a sniffer (something I had bought in Amsterdam), and it of course had blow in it.
So, there went the non-stop questions… or should I say interrogation. We sat there at the table as they asked what, who, how and why. Both answering with uncertainty as to what to say, such inconsistency in our answers that they separated us. Each individually asked the same questions in confidence without the other present. I tried to answer as strategically as possible, but the thing is you can only keep a front for so long, the truth comes out eventually and that point you have a decision, deny or admit. And so, I was honest…
Black & White Answers is about the journey of life… doubt and hurt… deceit, pain and love. It encompasses all that is, all that was and all that will be. A collection of poems, which tells more than just a story… They share a journey, the search on how to find, and love yourself amidst heartache. It asks and answers questions which the soul desires while the heart dreads, yet the mind appreciates. It is a clearing…