I saw just how ugly the outside world was, as if I wasn’t already dealing with enough, I was hit, not once but twice. First, by my ex and now by this bitch, and excuse me for my language, but that’s just shit you don’t do…. you don’t throw someone under the bus, doesn’t matter what they do, you hold your ground. Take responsibility for your own actions, rather than reverting blame. It truly illustrated “every men for themselves”. It was heart breaking… once again, I let someone in that not only reaped the benefits of my good nature, but also took advantage of everything that came with the relationship. It was sad, hurtful. I gave them so much of me, and yet it meant nothing to them -it was insignificant…. I was insignificant… well at least that was how I felt.
There is a lot that happened within this whole timeframe, both behind-the-scenes and front-and-center that I have yet to share. For some things are still very much apparent in my life at the moment, while others are solely sensitive topics, but again this chapter isn’t about that.
Going back, insignificance is one of the worst feelings, especially after you have given someone so much of yourself. It was a feeling all too familiar to me, a feeling that I kind-of-somewhat-learnt to accept.. kind of sad in a way. Tough love. It is what it is. I took it, accepted it and remembered it…. and I couldn’t do anything. I was even more exhausted than before, I had taken hit after hit, both behind-the scenes and front and centre. What was the point of it all? Fuck it.