I never felt so free in my life, nothing mattered and everything was at your disposal, so long as you knew the right people. And if you know me, you know I make it a point to know the right people. Now, I didn’t try them all, they were just there, available… And so, began the weekends…
I was MIA Friday to Sunday, and I was checked out. It was like living in a dream… floating in a world that I didn’t belong in, yet loved to be a part of. And, believe me when I say the partying was out of this world, the people I met were extreme -it was intense… can’t really think of any other word to describe it. There was no shame -it was savage.
Drugs flowing around everywhere, and if for some reason one trip was too much for you, there was always a way to ‘fix it’… more drugs.For example, if you G-out, guess what?! Do a line and you are good to go. And, if you are on the verge of K-holing, guess what?! Do a line and you are good to go. More drugs was always the answer.I guess you can say I learnt a lot. I was intrigued, curious, and asked a lot of questions. As I continued to expose myself to this underground world that was so twisted in so many ways, so disturbed, yet so comforting, as everyone was looking for an out in their own way -an escape.
And, what was so twisted was that every time you looked for a way out, wanting to get straight, because you were too fucked up, blow was the answer. Which was just another way back in… it was more drugs, just not to the extent you did it before. And, the second time around you would be careful than the first, knowing your limits, your tolerance, but yet still knowing that there was a way out in the case that you felt trapped again. I would see people do this over and over again… all in one night, it was a cycle -it is crazy.
Yes, I was a part of it, but a lot of the times, it was just observing from the sidelines. I was there for a different reason, not there to party, not there for a good time. I was there to forget. So, to me it was crazy witnessing all that I did.. so was twisted! And, it allowed me to see the ugly in people, the extent people are willing to go, disregarding everything around them.
And, as much as I knew I didn’t belong, as much as I knew it wasn’t for me, I remained very much a part of it all, because it gave me nothing -numbness, which was exactly what I wanted… it felt great.
Black & White Answers is about the journey of life… doubt and hurt… deceit, pain and love. It encompasses all that is, all that was and all that will be. A collection of poems, which tells more than just a story… They share a journey, the search on how to find, and love yourself amidst heartache. It asks and answers questions which the soul desires while the heart dreads, yet the mind appreciates. It is a clearing…