As much as I was consumed and immersed in it all, I was disgusted by everything. There were no morals, no boundaries, no limits, and not in a good way. I would witness people do whatever it took to chase that high… it was crazy! People disregarded their self worth, I couldn’t believe it… it wasn’t grimmy… but still, like wtf?! I don’t care if you are placed in a million dollar penthouse suite, never compromise your self worth, have some self-respect… don’t sell your ass! I don’t care how good it feels when reaping the benefits… You a hoe! Act right!
I saw friends do things that never expected thought possible. There were moments… questionable moments… awkward moments. Moments where you can no longer see them in the same way… like literally impossible to ever look at them the same as you once did. It was sad the extent people went or even the state of mind, for if they were sober they would never dare to do the things they did.
One night, it was one of my friends birthdays, and the whole crew went off. I knew one of owner’s of the club, and that partly meant everything was at our disposal, drugs and alcohol. Yes, everyone kind had their own dealers, but if supplies ran low, I had covered. Just to share how messed up our crew was at the time, the friend who was celebrating their birthday had roughly… one green, one blue…. maybe a yellow….. all from different people. We all bombarded him… one right after another… open your month, take it and he would just go with it…. it was kind of the vibe at the time. Everyone was on a whole other level, and throughout the night each of us slowly dispersing into our own direction. Ended up at my friend’s place (one of the owner’s of the club), with a friend of mine… a place some may know as *drum roll* ‘The Bat Cave’. Many things happened in The Bat Cave… it could have been a hell of an experience or the biggest trip of your life, anything and everything was possible. You just kind of accepted it, it’s like once you accepted the offer you just knew what kind of night it would be… expect the unexpected. So, that night, we ended up at The Bat Cave, my friends ended up banging as I played solitaire… Awkward! But, again anything happens. And, wait, it gets better! Because, my guy friend was trying to have a conversation with me the whole time… fucking weird?! And, then at one point asked if I wanted to join in… ‘ummmm, definitely not! Let me play solitaire! Do your thing… Leave me out of it!’… Like, as if the conversation interrupted by moans wasn’t awkward enough, or even just them banging, he had to hit me with an invitation, which he totally did because he loved fucking with me, and no not like that, he just enjoyed making me feel awkward. And, that’s a little too awkward for me, which why I most definitely made a comment about it after, which went a lot like ‘yo, that shit ain’t cool, don’t do it again’. Now, as for my girl friend, I tried to guide her in choices as best I could, but it didn’t quite work out that way at the time. Let’s say that way she dealt with her daddy issues were very different from the way I dealt with mine. I rejected, she welcomed. It is what it is.
It was sad to witness the lengths people would go, the sacrifices they were willing to make, and again it was much like me, just in a different way.
To be continued…