As much as I was consumed and immersed in it all, I was disgusted by everything. There were no morals. No boundaries. No limits. And, not in a good way. I would witness people do whatever it took to chase that high… it was crazy! People disregarded their self worth for the high. And, I was shocked with disbelief at the things people would do, the extent they were willing to go. Literally trading sexual favours for drugs, and they loved it, they actually enjoyed it. I don’t know if it’s just me or how I was raised, but I don’t care if you are placed in a million dollar penthouse suite, never compromise your self worth. Self-respect is everything… don’t sell yourself for high! I don’t care how good it feels when reaping the benefits… Act right! And have dignity.
I saw friends do things that I never thought possible. There were moments… questionable moments… awkward moments. Moments where you can no longer see them in the same way. I’m talking about gang bang kind of shit -one in front and one behind, and all for more drugs. It was literally impossible to ever look at them the same as you once did. Sad the extent people went in that state of mind, for if they were sober they would never dare to do the things they did.
One night we went out for one of my friend’s birthday, and the whole crew went off. I knew one of owner’s of the club, and that partly meant everything was at our disposal, drugs and alcohol. And, yes, everyone kind had their own dealers, but if supplies ran low, I had covered. Just to share how messed up our crew was at the time, the friend who was celebrating their birthday had… one green, one blue…. maybe a yellow….. all from different people. We all bombarded him… one right after another… having them open their month, take it and they would just go with it, popping pills like it was nothing… it was kind of the vibe at the time.
We didn’t care where we got the drugs, as long as we had drugs. Everyone was on a whole other level, and throughout the night each of us slowly dispersed to our own direction. Myself and a friend ended up at my friend’s place (one of the owner’s of the club), a place many of us knew as ‘The Bat Cave’.
Many things happened in The Bat Cave… it could have been a hell of an experience or the biggest trip of your life. Anything and everything was possible, you just kind of accepted it, it’s like once you accepted the offer you just knew what kind of night it would be, never ending, so be prepared for the unexpected.
That night we ended up at The Bat Cave, and they ended up having sex with me in the room as I played solitaire, which was totally awkward! But, nothing to be shocked over. But, the awkwardness didn’t stop there, my guy friend attempted to have a conversation with me the whole time… fucking weird?!
And, then at one point asked if I wanted to join in… ‘ummmm, definitely not! Let me play solitaire! Do your thing… Leave me out of it!’… Like, as if the conversation interrupted by moans wasn’t awkward enough, or even just them having sex in the same room, he had to hit me with an invitation, which he totally did because he loved fucking with me, and no not like that, he just enjoyed making me feel awkward. And, that’s a little too awkward for me, which why I most definitely made a comment about it after, which went a lot like ‘yo, that shit ain’t cool, don’t do it again’.
And as for my other friend, which might I add was the same chick who indulged herself in the gang bang, she was a different kind of person. Very cool to hang out with and always down for a party, but made terrible choices when it came to men and protecting her self-worth. I tried to guide her in choices as best I could, but it didn’t quite work out that way at times. Let’s say the way she dealt with her daddy issues were very different from the way I dealt with mine. I rejected, she welcomed. It is what it is.
And, it was sad to witness. Not only her, but others as well, the extent people would go, the sacrifices they were willing to make, and again it was much like me, just in a different way.