It was a crazy weekend of partying, non-stop, and once again I had pulled a disappearing act, Friday to Sunday -gone! No where to be found. I was off the grid. Again, it felt great, no worries in sight. Yet at the same time, I wanted out. For at this point, I saw it for what it was. That is, the world I was in -what I was living in. I was so immersed in it all, loving it while hating it.
For weeks now, I wanted out, just no idea how or where to start. For weeks I had been feeling like escaping the world of escape, yet I took no action toward it. I wanted change, but I did nothing for it… so one could most definitely question how bad did really I want out?
Interesting, now that I think about it. I thought it, but did nothing. I said it and did nothing. As if, it was just going to happen. As if, I didn’t need to do anything for it. I can just ignore it, overlook it, like I have many of the other things in my life… it will work itself out.
This whole experience, this feeling, taught me a lot. One of which, if you truly want something, do it. It doesn’t matter what it takes, doesn’t matter what it looks like, it doesn’t fucking matter… just get it done! And stop talking about it, stop thinking about it and just do it!
BE ABOUT IT!
Make the commitment and don’t look back, trust me it’s worth it. It doesn’t matter the cost, the reward is much greater. Because, at this point, it’s life or death. Literally, if I continued I would most definitely come to an end and not a good one. I knew that much, for I was pushing limits, and built quite a tolerance… Ironic.
But, like I was saying, at that point, it doesn’t matter what you have to give up, doesn’t matter what you need to do for yourself to heal. Or however long it takes, you just have to do it! Get it done! No excuses! Talk is cheap and sometimes you have to just go for it… even if it is ugly, and it will most definitely be hard. And even if it is a journey you never thought you would take… fuck it, just do it! There is reason why you were given this path, a reason why you took this road, make something of it.
Who cares what people think? Or what stories they create? Who the fuck cares at this point? It doesn’t matter. Take the bull by the balls and make a fucking move… the problem is having the balls.