We all get to a stage in our lives… you know the one where it’s time to grow up, stop selfishly enjoying life and start sharing a life worth enjoying.. something worth more than just instant gratification, something worth value (and, not monetary value). The thing is some of us get caught living selfishly, neglecting to realize the moments that are passing… moments that lead to priceless endings. On the other side, some of us get caught up desiring to share a life worth enjoying, tolerating and accepting things we wouldn’t otherwise.
Why?! In both cases, there are many reasons, fear, discomfort, unknown, rejection, distraction, past history… it goes on. Now it’s not to say you are one or the other, but we are always more to one side of the spectrum than the other.In the case of the latter, it becomes self-destructive, we slowly begin placing ourselves second to just please the other person or to just simply make it work. We ignore what we want and what we need, for the sake of desiring something ‘meaningful’. Which is all charade, for how could something being meaningful if it isn’t genuine… authentic? That is, one person sacrificing who they are for the other, for the simple reason just to have it. It is not meaningful at all, it’s a bunch of fake nonsense.
The sad part in this situation, we often know what we are doing… tolerating, excusing, accepting.. placing ourselves on the sideline, and yet we continue. We continue to allow it to happen, because we want ‘it’ so bad… that connection. And, the thing is we are fooling ourselves, walking a path of contradiction; desiring something worth meaning, while accepting something meaningless; craving the connection, yet excusing the disconnect; looking for the initiative, and tolerating the lack of action. It’s all just a funny game… how it works, lying to ourselves, thinking we’re being ‘considerate’, ‘understanding’, ‘opened’… you know all that wonderful stuff, yet we are doing more harm than not.
We are literally living in a contradiction, self-sabbotaging, for the simple reason that we just want ‘it’. Yet, what we fail to realize half of the time is the ‘it’ that we want, isn’t the IT we actually want. You feel me? And, the further along we are on this side of the spectrum, the more susceptible and less likely to notice it, ignoring the signs and forcing to fit the puzzle pieces. and don’t get me wrong there are moments in which it happens to those that relatively close to the midpoint of spectrum, trust me, I know. It’s life, it happens… it’s acknowledging what is actually happening that is important.
In the former case, that is, selfishly enjoying life, we are living in the dark… in oblivion. Why do I say that? Because most of the time, we still want the priceless endings, we just neglect to accept that state of mind. We are unaware, for we want the things that come with having a life worth enjoying, but disregard what it takes to get those vary things. Some are lost and don’t realize, while others are just ignorant, then there are vary few that just don’t know any better. Either way, it is as if we talk from two sides of our mouths, we say one thing, yet do another. But, then it begs the question as to how bad do we really want those vary things that come with starting a life worth enjoying? Or rather, how genuine are our intentions? Do we just want those ‘things’, as if just to say we have them? Unwilling to actually take initiative on those vary ‘things’, yet desiring them… such a waste of energy, desiring something, which you are unwilling to take action on.
The thing is most of us, when on this side of the spectrum, often excuse our behaviour, ‘tyrant’ in our own right, for we are who we are, point blank. Again, we are fooling ourselves, lying to ourselves, telling ourselves that it is okay to settle; that is, it is okay if the vary things we want don’t happen; in others, it is okay, to accept a life of limitations, which you, yourself have placed. And to that I ask, what is the purpose in desiring the product of an outcome, if we aren’t willing to accept all its constituents? It is, implying that you could have one without the other, and there is a possibility is which you could, but chances are slim.
So again, why waste precious energy claiming to want that which you are unwilling to accept in its entirety with all its constituents? It is pointless. And, for those who are further along on this spectrum are far more blinded and unaware of the reality of how it all works, than those that aren’t, granted that they are so stuck in their ways, they refuse the possibly of it being otherwise… quite sad.
The thing to realize in all of this is that we have a choice, if we catch ourselves doing either one, we can choose to continue or make a change -adjust ourselves accordingly. In such way, we align ourselves with the vary thing that we so desire without compromising who are we and accepting who we are meant to become. For if we don’t, we get left behind, never truly fulfilled in the life that we lived, lacking the vary things we were unwilling to accept, yet desired.
Black & White Answers is about the journey of life… doubt and hurt… deceit, pain and love. It encompasses all that is, all that was and all that will be. A collection of poems, which tells more than just a story… They share a journey, the search on how to find, and love yourself amidst heartache. It asks and answers questions which the soul desires while the heart dreads, yet the mind appreciates. It is a clearing…