I sit staring at a blank page, thinking of what to write, torn between what to write… for there is so much I want to say, so much I have to share, yet so reluctant. Why? Because, there has been shift… or should I say understanding, that is, on who it is I have to become to have what it is that I want out of this life.
You see I’m in the process of creating something life changing, something remarkable… something that brings tears to my eyes, because I can’t believe it is all finally happening, finally coming together. I’ve put so much into this, my heart, my soul, my everything… so many sarcifices have been made and so much growth in just a few weeks. It has taken me a lot, to get out of my feelings, my emotions and get into action. There has been so many changes, so many dissaociations, that is, letting go that which didn’t serve me… that which was not aligned with want I want out of this life. It was hard, believe me, I had to let go of individuals I cared for, because I have came to understanding of who it is I have to be, and who it is they really are… coming to an awareness of what needs to be done in order to live the life I want to live… to be that person that I envision in my head, the person I aspire to be… that is, one whom turns their failures into successes for others… but, now a whole another level.
And, it’s been a struggle.. Because you see, even though we are free, we are never really free. There is always a veil we hide behind, there is always an appearance to upkeep, and everyone’s is different, that is, the person you have to be in order to have the things you want in life is very different from the person I have to be to have the vary things I want out of this life. We have ties to whom we have to become to obtain what it is we want. And, with that comes sacrifices.
The thing is it is up to you to figure out what it is that you want out of this life and from there you come begin to see what it is you have to do, to obtain what it is that you want out of this life. For we can’t assume that if we stay as is, things will just happen, no that is not the case, we have to take action on the things that we want, and the only way to know which actions should be taken, we need to understand and affirm that which we want. And, it can’t be one of those… ‘oOo if it happens, it happens’, ‘like, I want it, but like it’s cool if it doesn’t’, because if that is the case, then stop now. Stop wasting your energy claiming to want something that you really care nothing for; if you did it, it won’t be optional, it would be definite… certain… that is necessary. And that is huge… shit that is huge… to commit to something, to such that it makes it necessary for us to act… that it compels us to act. And, if that which we claim to want doesn’t compel us to act in that same fashion, then we really don’t want it… that’s the sad truth.
And, we can sit there and provide excuses, reasons and justificatons to why it isn’t that easy, but I’m here to tell you it is that easy. Because, we have done it before… Think about it. Have you ever committed yourself so much, it was life changing? It was transformative? Did you have excuses then? No. Why? Because, you didn’t allow them, you made sarcifices, overcame obstacles, for it was what you had to do… and that’s exactly it… Truly understanding what it is that we want gives us the roadmap to what it is we have to do. But, it is understanding what it is that we want, that is, truly want, that allows to manifest all that we desire out of this life… all that we envision for ourselves. It shows exactly what it is we have to embody and sarcifice to have that which we want out of this life. It is always a trade, an exchange that occurs, in order to have that which you desire, it is whether you are willing to understand what it takes… willing to accept it is what it is. It isn’t going to be easy. So, I leave you with this… two options: you either commit to what you claim to want and stop pretending or stop claiming to want and start being real…
Black & White Answers is about the journey of life… doubt and hurt… deceit, pain and love. It encompasses all that is, all that was and all that will be. A collection of poems, which tells more than just a story… They share a journey, the search on how to find, and love yourself amidst heartache. It asks and answers questions which the soul desires while the heart dreads, yet the mind appreciates. It is a clearing…