Bewildered

I can’t help but feel bad… not because I did something but rather because you did and have yet to realize. My heart breaks for you… but at the same time breaks for me… for you have taken all that I ever wanted from me.

I’ll never will have that look, that dance, that hug….. that love… for you have taken that from me… you have given it to someone else.. some other part of you, which you have created without our knowledge.. for you have destroy all that has been built.. solely thinking about yourself… how it is you benefit, how it is you don’t… how it is you look and how it is you don’t.. it’s disguising… the way I used to look at you compare to how I see you now… it’s like I don’t even know you …

I used to think that I needed your love, your approval, until you showed me that your presence was worthless… meaningless… yet I can’t seem to shake you. Part of me still hopes that one day, you will see all that you have thrown away… you will see all that you neglected… but, part of me wonders if that will ever happen… if you will ever open your eyes… if you will ever love that which you have throw away so effortlessly…. As though I wasn’t a part of you, as though I’m not a part of you..

There is just so much hatred… so much you have done… so much that there is no turning back… and I can’t help but want to ask what is it that we have done? What is it that has hurt you so much, you felt the need to rip our hearts out of my chest, as though we didn’t have one…. what happened that entitled you to crush all that we have worked for? What happened for you to turn your back, as if we never existed?!

I can’t seem to figure it out… I can’t seem to find the answers or even the questions to ask.. I just don’t know anymore… I have forgiven you, forgiven you for all that you have done and for all that you have caused… I pray for you hoping that one day you will see that which you turned your back on…. but, as much as I pray… as much as I mediate… will you ever? Will you ever feel the pain I feel? Feel the hurt I feel? Will you?

For it seemed so easy for you to say goodbye… maybe because you were never there, so what attachment did you ever have? You didn’t… yet, I sit here bewildered.. appaulled at you not showing me that which you never have. I sit here lost for words.. hoping… but what’s the use?!

You have stripped me.. us from all that we created…stripping us of our self worth, our dignity… to the point that I can’t even see your face anymore.. I can’t look at you without my heart crumbling… without my heart shattering… I want to help you, I want to be there for you, but there is no helping that which desires no change…

So, for you I pray…

-C. Remi

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