I’ll be taking meetings very soon… hahaha… just joking, but not really… but yes, welcome to my new office. It is the most relaxing office I’ve have yet. So, back in Toronto, my office was my kitchen island with a mountain my books, ashtray, pack of smokes and a few joints rolled along with a bottle of vodka. What is scene, right?! Up until all hours of the night, drinking, smoking and writing or fixing my site, and then up at 6:15am to be at work for 7:00am, most nights I would only get 4 hours of sleep others I was lucky if I got 2 hours. I would push myself to such limits just to finish what I had started, at times I would succeed, others I wouldn’t, feeling defeated… unaccomplished… and so, next day I would do it all over again… pushing myself even more than the night before.
It was cycle. At times there was no enjoyment, just working to the point the exhaustion… to point where I would stare at screen black faced. It was almost as though I would do so much, but nothing would get done. It was exhausting. I would push myself so much so that there wasn’t a moment where I could be home and just enjoy, I have to work, I would have to do something… whether work on the background stuff, my writing, my site or my upcoming online course (I will be launching relatively soon)… but, it was always something. I couldn’t just chill, I would feel guilty…
I swear my computer would talk to me… haha… almost haunting me if I dared to sit on the sofa and watch a show, nevermind a movie. Yeah, that was life! That is what I call trying to live in the big city and trying to make it as an entrepreneur. It is a struggle! I pushed myself to limits I never thought possible. But, it is what needed to be done at the time.
My office now is located on beach front, with a bottle of water, some fruit, a sandwich, a few smokes and that’s about it… talk about 180, such a dynamic transition. The change in scenery says enough… as for the change in state, that is a whole other topic. The fact that I no longer require something ‘extra’ to tap into my thoughts leaves me shock to this day, and I’ve been for 3 weeks now. Now it is not to say that I don’t have a glass of wine or sangria here and there, but the difference is I’m no longer drinking to make it through… to mask the overwhelment… tolerate it and push through the exhaustion… more importantly, to tap into my thoughts. And, that is hugeeeeeeeee!!
The best part is my office is kind of everywhere, whether it be on the beach, a coffee shop or at home, there is no longer that attachment to my kitchen island, where I associated more with work than with eating. I come home now and I can relax… be at peace, my computer no longer stares at me making me feel guilty for not pushing myself to extreme limits. I no longer sit in front of my computer until 3:00 am pulling my hair out. Yes, my lifestyle has changed drastically, granted that I no longer have the nine to five kind of lifestyle, which of course offers more freedom, therefore lending to less chaos, but it’s more than that… it is the environment, the space, the culture…. the people… the peace… it is everything and more.
The beauty of this all is I don’t dread waking up everyday… worrying about the next thing that will happen and that’s not to say nothing happening… trust me, there is quite a bit happening, more now than ever. But, it is almost as if distance as given me clarity… patience… peace… most importantly silence. Funny though, ironic in a way, for my nickname back home is Chatz, I talk a lot, having something to say, always a story to share… now, I find myself speaking less, thinking more. And, the thing is a have thought, always been observant, but it is so different… I’m way more in tune, more observatory than ever… more insightful… being a lot more present to the moment, rather than the chaos.
It could be that I don’t speak the language well, hence why I don’t speak much and think more, but again it’s more than that… this place runs at such a high frequency… such a higher vibration. It actually has allowed me to tap into something much greater… a power within myself that knew was there, but never capable of tapping into on demand, so to say, for lack of a better word. It’s an intuition of some sort… something I will go into greater detail in my next post.
Black & White Answers is about the journey of life… doubt and hurt… deceit, pain and love. It encompasses all that is, all that was and all that will be. A collection of poems, which tells more than just a story… They share a journey, the search on how to find, and love yourself amidst heartache. It asks and answers questions which the soul desires while the heart dreads, yet the mind appreciates. It is a clearing…