It’s incredible what you can tap into when there is nothing but silence that surrounds you… no chaos… no noise… just quiet. There is a beauty in being able to actually hear yourself think… being able to feel your energy and the energy of those around you… for you can actually distinguish your mind chatter from your intuition, opening yourself up to a higher frequency, welcoming messages from a higher source of power… a power you have always had within yourself, but neglected to acknowledged simply because of all the distractions that surround you.
You see, I’ve always been told I’m naive, easily believing others… having a belief in their good nature… a kind of faith in them, but in actuality it is not that I am naive, but rather that I am emotionally intuitive… in other words, I can feel into people. I never understood it, that is, how I’m so good at reading people, knowing people… having a deeper understanding of them, their character, understanding their actions or lack of, by observation or a simple conversation.
In the past, I used to think it was just my good nature seeing the good in others, part of it is, I guess, but it’s so much more that… it’s kind of intuitive energy… a power from within… it’s like I can distinguish the reasons behind their actions… their intentions, as if I have known them my whole life… reading into their character, knowing what blocks them, what hurts them, what they desire most, yet to scared to face. Hence, why I’m so drawn to the disturbed… the broken, I can see light within them that they so desperately try to bring out, but can’t, for it is burdied so deep… the pain they so desperately try to conceal… the hope they have lost inside themselves.
This became apparent to me when I made my first two friends here, within seconds of interacting with them, I was flooded with emotions. Now, when I say interacting, one came, stirred my sangria and that was that, the other asked me a quick question, and that was apparently all I needed to read into them. I immediately could sense their energy, feeling into the broken one and the hurt he carried, as for the other, I could feel his transformation, that is, the little shit he once was to the man he is working toward becoming.
It blew my mind, because it was later confirmed that everything I felt was accurate, to the point I even knew the troubles they faced, both past and present. I always knew I understood people on a different level, just never knew how until now, and I kind of always disregarded it as my intuition, thinking it couldn’t be trusted as I have gone in wrong direction many times, but now I see, it really haven’t, for my intuition stared me toward those that need comfort, support and guidance. And, I’m actually mindblown by it, I sit connecting the dots and it all makes sense.
As I said, I’ve always understood my intuition as staring me in the wrong direction, always seeing light in those that deserved it the least, yet struggled the most… giving me false hope in those that would only end up doing the same to me as they have done to others… thinking my intuition had only led me to that which would ultimately break me… helping, yet getting caught up it all, because I didn’t know how not too… most times putting myself on the line, for it to always end up blowing in my face, failing to bring out the light in those that needed the most, and yet again I have failed.
But, yet as I sit here writing this on my patio listening to the live band playing the Gypsy Kings, with a view of the ocean in the background… with nothing else on my mind, without the noise and the chaos… I can say… I can see that I have very much succeeded in helping them, for they are all in good places. And, I guess a part of me hates what it takes… the sacrifice.
For you can’t help that which you don’t let in… and it took them breaking the one person that saw the light in them when all others didn’t… cared for their peace even if it disrupted there own… for then and only then, does one have hope in themselves… that is, in knowing that someone is willing to sacrifice their own peace to bring it out in others… in you… because anything worth something is worthy of sacrifice… worthy of the fight. But, it is a question of what one is willing to sacrifice, and I never realized that before… I always felt into things creating a sense of obligation to seek it through, to only get caught up, as that seemed to how it needed to be, in order to successfully help them… guide them.
But, there are better ways, and I have found better ways, but knowing now that I have this sort of intuition now… this power within… I now have answers so many questions, and even more so I now know what has been holding me back, that is, in developing my videos for my course and even following through with my course. You see, because I can read into people, feeling exactly what it is they need to hear or be made aware of, I have fear that they will doubt my ability to help guide them if I don’t say the right thing to them. And, because I’ve been told to focus in on specific issues, my fear stems from some relating while others not, and then I would have failed in helping those that didn’t relate to what was shared, when I know I can, which in turn feeds into my fear of failure… such a vicious cycle.
Problem is having an attachment to succeed in making the impossible possible, that is, appealing to all things in one stance for all individuals, for if I don’t help the many I have failed, especially given the potential of outreach via the internet… but, now that I know what it all is, I can embrace it and let go… for now I can accept that it all starts with helping the few, one step at a time… one few at a time… over and over… it will be the many… now it is a question of where to start?
Black & White Answers is about the journey of life… doubt and hurt… deceit, pain and love. It encompasses all that is, all that was and all that will be. A collection of poems, which tells more than just a story… They share a journey, the search on how to find, and love yourself amidst heartache. It asks and answers questions which the soul desires while the heart dreads, yet the mind appreciates. It is a clearing…