We have so many dreams, so many desires and wants. And yet, no idea why we don’t take action toward obtain any of them. So much hold us back. So many excuses disguised as justifications and we feed into them, thinking we have valid reasons for why this and why that. But, I’m here to tell you, those reasons are all bullsh*t, those doubts are all bullsh*t.
Trust me, I know, because I am a human and I probably have them just as much as you. We all do… we aren’t perfect and doubt can creep in faster than we think, killing all dreams, hopes and desires.
The road to getting what we want isn’t easy, it’s filled with ups and downs. Probably more downs than ups, and the feeling of wanting to give up can become so much more appealing than continuing to go on. The feeling of reject of even starting or even thinking it possible can consume you. Having you feel more disappointed in yourself than ever. So, you turn back ceasing to continue, finding justifications as to why it won’t work, must be prolonged, etc… etc. The shoulds and shouldn’ts start kicking in, it all comes a downward spiral. But it still doesn’t your desiring and hoping what you want comes true.
Trust me I know all too well… I’ve been there, still happens to this day… again we’re human, no one is perfect or immune to any of this. But, it’s a matter of knowing what it is that is holding you back. So that you can nip it in the butt and finally get what it is you came for.
So, here it goes, it is always one or mix of four things: fear of failure, fear of success, lack of self-confidence or fear of judgment. Keep in mind self-doubt is intermingled in each and other one of these ways of being… thinking, so to say. And each can somewhat overlap. But either way all have distinct characteristics which can allow you to distinguish one from the other. The way you do that is by asking yourself questions, not just any questions. The right questions which will allow you to arrive at the answer needed to set yourself free.
Fear of Failure
This is all too common one for me, for I am notorious of failing. I’m the guinea pig of life, been this way for as long as I can rememeber. I do sh*t without a second thought, I love but I hate it. It has given me a bundle of wisdom and life experiences I can share, but of course comes with a price. That is, self-doubt, the fear of failing yet again. As I said self-doubt is founded in each of these concepts, but stems from each one differently, playing a different role entirely.
And, this fear of failure is so closely linked to the past, rooting in prior life experiences. Where we have felt inadequate, incapable, or just down straight not able to get it right… no matter what you try, what you do or how hard you push. It has never worked out, so it will never will out. But, here is the thing if you don’t try, you can’t fail nor succeed. It a two way street, you have to be willing to fail in order to succeed, because getting it right is all about learning what it means to get it wrong.
Fear of Success
Now this isn’t a common one for me, but I have many many friends that exhibit this sort of behaviour. They are so fearful of what comes after success they are too afraid to try, and in most cases feel as though it is never enough. So they keep going and going and going. Even after reaching such success; they continue going because they are too afraid to stop and be in the presence of success. Now, I know the feeling of it never being enough, as someone who has fallen flat on their face quite a bit times. It is easy to down play your successes, but there comes a point we all need to acknowledge our success no matter how big or small.
The thing is we become so fearful of what comes after, granted that we are so used to climbing, so we either set more goals or none at all. And, again self-doubt creeps in, the fear of falling after the climb, the fear of being at a standstill, accomplishing nothing else but just that. Almost as though it was a one hit wonder. But even, even if it is a one hit wonder, it was a wonder. And that alone is something to be proud of, because even if it’s just that, it is still something.
Lack of Confidence
It is something that so many of us experience and yet none of us have the courage to admit it. For it is a difficult topic and not something many of us want to come to terms with. In addition, lack of confidence can entail that we no self-confidence, which it false. For we can lack confidence in many different ways, and still have self confidence is others. Many of us are filled with self confidence. Yet when it comes to taking on new things, new tasks, self-doubt creeps in full force, keeping us from taking action. And it is usually disguised through justifications… prideful justifications… logical justifications.
But, the thing is you can give yourself as many justifications as you want, the truth it only one, no matter how logical you are in your argument of talking yourself out of action, you are lacking the confidence to take action, hence your reasoning not too.
Fear of Judgment
This is a big one, many of us are terrified of judgment, I know I am… I despite all judgments and assumptions. Why?! Because, it disregards a person as human being; one that has a story which accounts for who, why and how it is the way that they are. And unless you truly know someone there is no reason to claim falsified statements as truth. So, for me judgment is a huge one in terms of holding me back and stopping from taking action.
And, it isn’t so much if what people will think as it is what people will assume true, what people will hold true. Not giving the benefit of the doubt, but relying on ignorance to lead their understanding of you.
Fearing to be judged does most definitely stem from self-confidence, but it is root much deeper than that. It is rooted in past experience of being misidentified, misunderstood, misrepresented and/or ill-defined in character. But, if you fear is judgment, guess what?! You are always being judged and that is the cold hearted truth, something we all need to face. So, letting it stop you is partially ridiculous as it is a never ending cycle, one that is completely unavoidable.
So, here we are faced what four different concepts as to what closes us back, all of which can be closely linked. Yet distinguishable enough to provide you with the knowledge you need to break our of your self-doubt and embrace what it is the needs to be done. Because whether you justify you reasonings by means of logic, finances, time, characteristics, shouldn’ts or couldn’ts, or flat out excuses. It will always fall into one of the four categories. Which as I mentioned can and are most definitely intermingled with one and other.
Now, it’s your turn, speak to me… Tell me your thoughts… What is it that holds you back? You can be general or specific, whichever you want, whichever you are most comfortable with. Or even, share a potential additional factor that might play a determining factor into holding you back…
And, if you want, if you are having difficulty determining what it is that hold you back, take my quiz and get your answer.