So, this just occurred to me as I was looking for a headshot upon submitting one of my pieces to an online publication, and it left me mindblown. As I was going through my photos, I noticed the difference in confidence in each photo, not sure what opened me up to seeing this, but I just became so aware of the distinction… the awkwardness, to then only take myself back to that moment, remembering it so vividly. How was that day? Who was I with? How was the vibe? What was the situation? Everything. And, for the most part the conditions varied, rarely constant, the only thing that was constant was me. So, what is with the distinction? The answer to that question is me. It has to do with me. Where was I at? How was my vibe?… You for me, asking for someone to take a picture of me is super awkward. And, yes I dance and do photoshoots, but in those cases, the situation has already been established; which, doesn’t make it less awkward, but it does make for an easier transition into that vibe. In addition, that person is there to do that, that is their job to take photos. But, when asking someone else to take a photo, it can feel super awkward, because that’s not what they came there to do… part of you can begin to feel narcissistic. Plus, you can never just take one photo, it has to be at least two maybe three. And, at that point everyone has now stopped and noticed you posing for a photo… and man, that’s a whole lot of awkward for me!!! I’ll stick to selfies… hahaha!
But, here is the thing, there was one photo I noticed where I was so happy, so natural and kind great. I really love this photo of me, and guess it has so much to do with the confidence in this photo. And, when I took myself back to that moment, I realized the way I ‘asked’, the way I put myself out there without thinking twice. No hesitation, just pure confidence. And, mainly not giving a fuck! You see, in some of the other photos, I would ask, but there would always be some sort of hesitation, I would allow myself to feel the awkwardness, when in actuality there really isn’t any, but the one you make. And, that day… that photo, I didn’t make anything of it, and the way I asked was so though it was nothing… ‘yo, take a photo of me’ so nonchalant, whereas, in other cases I would be thinking about it, thinking if and when I should ask. That hesitation alone feeds into our self-conscious, feeds into our doubt… and that changes everything, changes the way you look, the way you come across… alters your vibe in a way that only you and vary few can notice.
The interesting thing to note is how something so small, so newt can have such an impact. We always hear that it is the little things that matter, but we never consider it when it comes to our own state of mind. It is the everyday things, the things we think mean nothing that actually mean everything. The small things matter. The everyday things, that you don’t even pay mind toe, make a difference in how you go about life… it all matters… and to be honest, they matter the most. They are your tell, they say and show more about you than anything else. For they show the hesitation within our soul, the doubt within your mind. These everything things are the key to unlocking everything for you… they are the key to opening up the side of you that got lost in adulthood. It is the gold that you have been looking for… for it is in these newt moments that best illustrate what it is that is holding us back… what it is that is creating this resistance, the resistance to just act without a doubt. And, it is US! We create this.. why?! Who the fuck knows?! We stop ourselves for some many reasons, but it is in acknowledging that we are stopping ourselves that we are capable to identifying the root cause.
And that, this whole experience was just so interesting because it simply illustrated another way to understand yourself, another way to pick up on things, in order to better improve yourself. It was incredible to be capable of seeing distinction within myself and now sharing it as a lesson, as something to be mindful of.
For there are so many ways to pin-point blockages, and we waste so much time reading into so much… most of the time, it is the more difficult of situations and complicated scenarios we read into, yet these blockages appear on our everyday routine, our everyday thought… they are there and only when are absolutely present to them are capable of implementing any sort of change…but, the more you resist acknowledging, resist looking inward… the more you distance yourself from who it is you really are, the more you create false representations of yourself… illusions about who it is you are, believing false truths.
But, it is in being present to the littlest of things that make all the difference, stop reading into to big traumas in your life and look at the everyday things. Look at the things that you do naturally, the things you do and don’t with or without hesitation. Be present to the outcome, the difference in action and in character, feel into the moment note the distinction, the hesitation that is present. And, then and only then could you come grasp what it is that creates such resistance.
And, just as newt as asking for a picture, so is overcoming your biggest obstacles, because it all stems from there. Something so insignificant, yet so significant. You see, when I asked for that picture, it was more than asking, it was reclaiming my confidence, my power… in that moment I overcame an obstacle derived from self-doubt; even though, it lasted just a moment it was a moment, and the more moment I have such as those… breaking out, the more it will become a part of my being… the more my true self will come out… no doubt, fear or second guesses. Just pure action. Acting on the dime, which is who we were when we were children… free from thought… from judgments… assumptions… just living and making nothing of it. But, as we get older, we become overpowered by thoughts, by what things mean, how things ought to be and look, and forget to just live -to act freely. Therefore, it is a matter of acknowledging these everyday routines, thoughts, that we have to put us in position to make any sort of change. It is a matter of noting the difference, the distinction within yourself for yourself in the smallest of things will open you up to a better understanding of the false beliefs that guide your life. It’s the little things that matter most.
And, yes it can be argued that the only reason why I had this realization, this distinction, is because I experienced it first hand, is because I was there in that moment and the one living it, therefore I have inside knowledge and capable of noting the distinction more so than anyone else. But, here is there the thing, the beauty of it all and the whole point, only you are able to actually make any sort of change in your life, and therefore it is only you that needs to note what requires change. It is about looking inward, having a better understanding of yourself, our hesitations and from there you can come to understand what is it that created such resistance…
But, it is in noticing the smallest of things, the distinction is behaviour that will make all the difference in figuring out where to look in terms of what is blocking you in your life, and it will even be the vary place to make a change in your behaviour. So, for me, something as so small as asking someone to take a picture of me is a step outside of my comfort zone, a step closer to who I really am aside from doubt, fear and insecurity… aside from the false beliefs that dictate my life. In other words, doing something so newt will actively take me out of set mindset, having me acting freely and progressing toward change… making such a small change will have tremendous impact in who it is you are and who it is you are becoming.
So, the secret is in these everyday things, these things that come second nature, the things that you a naturally prone to do, that you will find the answers… the answers to what will change everything for you. So pay attention, pay attention to your everyday behaviour for the answers to what hold you back, to what keeps you from moving forward.
Black & White Answers is about the journey of life… doubt and hurt… deceit, pain and love. It encompasses all that is, all that was and all that will be. A collection of poems, which tells more than just a story… They share a journey, the search on how to find, and love yourself amidst heartache. It asks and answers questions which the soul desires while the heart dreads, yet the mind appreciates. It is a clearing…
NUMB SERIES This was a moment in my life that was life changing, eye opening, mouth dropping… a moment where I felt nothing, numb to all that was, it was my way of coping.. until I realized the consequences…
ABROAD This is story about the road to fulfilling my life’s purpose. The journey abroad that will ultimately transform my soul on levels that are unimaginable. A lot of healing, growing, learning… wisdom… enlightenment at its finest.