Okay, let’s talk on a serious note. We all reach that age where it just isn’t a game anymore, we aren’t 16 and counting. And, that isn’t to say we are looking to get married tomorrow, but we just don’t want to waste time. For time is so precious, and why waste it on those that aren’t worthy. So, let’s get to it. Because, if there is something I know, is knowing to how to spot who is or isn’t the one. After all, I was proposed to twice… three times if you count a half ass proposal without a ring.
If the first time fell through, it would be at least 11 years married with a kid. No horse and carriage, but picking out my ring at Tiffany’s was real enough. Now, the second time, there was a horse, a white one to be exact, along with a prince holding a thirty thousand dollar ring and a pair of Louboutin slippers, no exaggeration (I have video footage). And, if I hadn’t called off the wedding, it would have been 3 years married with possible children. And, if I said yes the third time, while chances are I probably wouldn’t be here; for he was extremely abusive on a whole different level. So, let’s just say I know what it is… unfortunate but true.
So, here it goes, let me give you some insight on how to tell whether or not they are the one. Or on whether or not, you should say yes and follow through. Because, this is a decision for the rest of your life, and yes there is divorce. But, why?! Why think of plan B, when you it could easily be avoided?! Because, when you make a commitment it’s a matter of sticking through it, through thick and thin. And if you continue, well hunny you should have figured it out before. You should have thought twice, taken the appropriate action to be diligent with your choice… your decision. Because, marriage isn’t something to take to granted, to take likely. And, it’s unfortunate as nowadays it often is.
So many broken families due to such negligence. Hence the reason… the inspiration for this article. So, without further ado, it’s time to share my insight… wisdom with you.
First thing is first, deciphering what it is that you want from what it is that you need. Why is this important? Because we aren’t building the perfect human, so we need to be reasonable. And yes, you hear couples say that their significant other is everything they would ever want. Well, I’m here to tell you that is a sack of shit. Only after they have learned to fully love and embrace their significant other for having everything they needed, can they say that. But, in the beginning trust me that wasn’t the case, there were doubts as to whether or not they had everything you wanted.
Furthermore, distinguishing your wants from your needs helps you figure out what it is you can do without. Plus, it avoids a whole lot of arguments, because you know what it is you are getting into before even getting into it. Mentally preparing for what lies ahead is the best way to not only understand yourself, but helps you better understand them.
keep it simple.
Plain and simple. Marriage is a contract and relationships are template… the format of set contract. Hence why understanding what it is you need vs your wants while omitting that which you can do without is key. Or else, you are just wasting your time.Note, it’s important that when creating the set list, don’t be thinking about anybody. Think about you. And only you. So, referencing or referring to anyone in your life. This is the only way you will be true to yourself and who it is you are.
Funny? Outgoing? Adventureous? Talkative? Supportive? Good looking? Easy going? Home maker? Go getter? Comforting? Smart? Business savy? Those are just a few. Now, these can be broad, you don’t have to go into specifics. Creating this list, or should I say, having a broad idea of what you want will better help you figure out your needs.
Now, as humans we have five basic needs: Air, water, food, shelter and sleep. Challenge, pick five. And, this time dig deep. Be specific about scenerios, circumstances and everything else in between. Because, although five seems like a low number in comparsion to the huge list of wants, you can have subclauses to those clauses. And, in those subclauses you can incorporate another want, so long as it pertains to heading. Remember it is a contract, so formulate your template.
For example, one of my major needs is independence. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be included, it means I just don’t want to have to hold your hand. In addition, it means you’re reliable, I can account on you for support and advice. Are you getting the drift?
Now, should you want to add additional clauses, going beyond the five basic you can. But, think of them as extras. Things which you can do without, or even things that can stand in place of others. Basically they are substitutional and unnecessary clauses, they are up for debate. Because again, marriage is a contract, it’s a matter of being content with the contract you’re about to sign.
Anyways, aside from all of that. It is important to accept people for who they are, but be sure to be true to who you are. Because, you might be able to fake it at first, ignoring your needs, but in the end it becomes a problem. Hence, why I ended my engagement, because I ignored myself for too long, until I couldn’t anymore.
In addition, what is important to note is sometimes it isn’t that people aren’t fitting our template. Sometimes we don’t fit theirs, and that’s a hard pill to swallow. So, we can begin to overlook certain things. Other times, they are unwilling to be that person for us or maybe they don’t even know how. And at that point, you are faced with a decision. Then there are cases where it is just as simple as they haven’t grown up.
And with that being said, here is quiz to have a better idea if you should continue the pursuit. That is, continue to get to know this person. Keep in mind, if you just met this person, it’s not going to work. And, if you have been with this person for a while, it’s not going to work either. This is for the one to four months kind of thing. In other words, it is for the ‘getting to know’ phase.