There are many reasons why we can’t move on, or should I say, keep us from moving on. And it is important to know, to pinpoint why, in order to do something about it, to change, or else we just remain stuck… incapable of moving forward and finding peace.
And as I said, it can be a bundle of reasons, but it all stems from four distinctive emotions… basic, raw emotions: Inability to Accept, Closure, Loneliness/Emptiness and Fear.
So, let’s dig deeper into what each and every one of these entails to help you better uncover what it is that keeps you from moving forward… keeps you stuck in the past. Keep in mind it could be a mix of a few, but there is always a prominent one. But, once you identify the root, that is, the one that holds precendence over the others, you will be take action toward relieving yourself… freeing yourself.
Inability to Accept
The inability to accept could be understood as a mixture of closure and false hope, but in actually it is the unwillingness to see the truth… the unwillingness to face the ugliest of it all. And our unwillingness becomes disguised as an inability; almost as if, if we are unable, then we are unaccountable. Which make our ‘inability’ to accept more acceptable. When in reality, our inability is due to our unwillingness, and our unwillingness is manifested by our ignorance to see the truth.
Essentially our ‘inability to accept’ is the cause of our own doing, our willingness to hold on and not let go. It is the form in which we hold on to false beliefs and false hope. The lie we tell ourselves about it being something more, something worth holding onto and not letting go just yet. It is the hope that it might come back, the belief that it meant the same to them that it meant to us. The inability to accept steams from falsities, belief and hope, which gets justified by us as being ‘incapable’. When in actuality, we are fully capable… fully able… just unwilling, and that is a huge difference. For we lie to ourselves about it, thinking we are valid in our avoidance of the truth. And essentially the inability to accept is the avoidance of truth…
The belief we need closure stems from the inability to accept, granted that there is closure in accepting, rather than relying; that is, on some sort of explanation… some sort of mutual understanding… but in reality closure is a falsity… make belief. And I say this, in the sense of desiring, needing or wanting the other person to provide some sort of justification… some sort of rational… logic behind their actions or what happened. When let’s face it, nothing they say will remedy our hurt, our pain, regardless of their reasonings… logically.
Afterall, emotions are irrational and driven by our instinct, they are animalistic, and subjective to our perspective… our understanding, having very little to do with logic and reason.
The belief in recieving closure from another is a falsity in and of itself, given that we can’t ever truly come to know the perspective of other, we can only attempt to understand. And in attempting lies uncertainty and doubt… it’s all debatable, arguable… as what might be justified for one, might not be for the other. So seeking closure from other is pointless. The only one that can provide ‘closure’ is you for yourself is yourself.
In this case, moving on requires you to let go of this notion of closure, for it cannot be sought through the logic of others. Only by internal reflection does one receive closure.
One of the most common reasons why we don’t let go, why we can’t let go, is because we are afriad of being empty. In other words, not having anything to think about, complain or talk about out, and what that a sense of emptiness… loneliness, as you no longer have a outside party fueling your thoughts, just you, so you feel empty and somewhat lost. For you no longer can or have anyone to place blame or hold accountable for your hurt. And who wants to to feel alone and empty in their thoughts without someone to blame?!
None of us. For we don’t want to take responsibility, because taking responsibility requires us to take action. It is much easier to blame than it is to feel hurt and pain, especially without cause, that is someone to point fingers toward. Furthermore, some of us feel lonely without our hurt, empty without our pain… fulfillng us in some way, when in actuality we are fearful of life without it. Fearful of being empty and lonely in completeness as strange as that sounds some of us enjoy the company of hurt and pain, granted that we don’t know who we are without it. And that can be mistaken as fear, that is of not knowing. But fear is different. Fear not only has to do with us, but with others.
Fear is manifested in many different ways when it comes to why can’t move on, and most significant ones are the above mentioned. But what makes fear different is the factor of ‘not knowing’, that is, not knowing what moving on looks like, not knowing what comes after… fear that if you do, it solidifies the end… and we fear the end because of either false hope or simply because it’s end. The fear of an end is all to real, as some understand it to be a sort of failure, an end which you can’t go back to.
Fear has not only to do with us, as mentioned above fear could stem from false hope. Meaning if we say good bye and move on, than the other might do the same (and we do this assuming that the other hasn’t moved on), hoping they haven’t… that might still want us… that there still maybe a chance. So we hold on out of fear that if we move on we might lose them… the thing is we already lost them.
Whether it is the inability to accept, closure, loneliness/emptiness or fear, we already lost what we lost the very thing we are holding on to… essentially holding on to nothing. And next step is to move on so that we can actually find something to hold onto that is more than just nothingness.
I’ve created a quiz to help you find out what keeps holding on, aids you in identifying the root cause, and the results will provide guidance as to what you could do to relieve yourself from it all… and from there it is your choice as to what you do, whether it be staying constraint or finding freedom, the choice is yours. But know that it is worth identifying, as you will come to learn much about yourself.