Okay, so I haven’t told you guys about Cuba… hahaha. I got stories!!!!

Where to start… where to start!!

First thing is first, I was so happy when my mom asked if I wanted to go. She’s been needing a vacation for a while now and the fact she asked me, it was really nice. It’s been a long time since me and her have been away, and every time we go it always does wonders for our relationship.

When we are home, we are both so busy and cluster fucked in the mess of the separation and the intensity of running the business, along side anything else we have going, it can be difficult as we are drained from it all. And that of course leads to many misunderstandings and unnecessary moments.

So I was touched. Plus my mom is super fun, a little firecracker. Especially when stress free, things just flow, it makes things easy and simple… no extra shit, no politics and no drama.

The start of the vacation was ummmm… well, let’s just say interesting. We check into the resort, and as we are looking for our rooms in the dark, as it was midnight, on a pathway that is under construction and no signs… we were all hungry. Get to the room, settle in and call the front desk, and the phone just keeps ringing and ringing and ringing. We tried different numbers, Room Service, Front Desk, Operator… everything. And it just rang, no one would pick up. So I end up go to the lobby placed an order for room service.

As I’m sitting there having a cigarette, the husband of family couple we came with walks into the lobby to place his order for food. And so we were talking about how we couldn’t call, and he ends up telling me that their room didn’t even have a jack for the phone… hahahaha. Even asked if he checked the washroom, I mean you never know… haha.

Fast forward, me and my mom end up passing out, so no food for us. But the couple ended up getting theirs at 2am. Two hours later… those better some great burgers if I’m waiting 2 hours for it… hahaha. And let’s face it, it’s Cuba.

Next morning, we go for breakfast and there is a line up… WTF?! It was near the end, why was there a line up?! There is never a line up, the guy ends up telling us that they are jammed. No tables. So we wait roughly 10 minutes, finally get our table. But, as we are walking in, we can’t help but notice how many empty tables… uncleaned but empty tables, then end up being seated at the far end of the buffet. Having my poor mom with her bad hip walk, best part we asked to be seated closer… but apparently there were no tables, as they are occupied by dirty dishes.

My mom was pissed… and you don’t want that women mad. She is not a happy camper! But rightfully so.

After that whole ordeal, me and the husband of the couple go to book for New Year’s Eve dinner. And during our adventure, we got lost, found a zoo, then found our way and proceeded to wait in line for a good hour to book dinner. Now because that was such a mission, on our way back we figured we would grab the beach towels so that we can relax, but NOPE! They didn’t have beach towels and they didn’t even know when they were going to get them. So that was a bit…. umm…

Now imagine going back to mama dukes with that news… ooooo shit…

So mama dukes with the help of my brother back in Toronto manages to get us a transfer to another resort. I mean they didn’t even have hot water.

There we are checking in to the our new home for the next few days, and I notice this guy. He is alone, cute whatevas. And I’m like ‘ooo a friend” haha… well because girls run in packs are intimidating, young couples are all in love and no one wants to be the third wheel, and while a pack of guys is a tad scary.

Second day into our stay, we get news we got broken into back home. And so energy shifted from there, my mom was worried and so she went to bed early that night. I ended up grabbing my laptop and doing a bit of writing at the bar, but then I kept hearing this music. And I mean… it’s calling me. Go back to the room, put my laptop away. Because I’m off to discover where this music is coming from as I’m walking, I hear a ‘hey’, turn around and of course it was the cute loner dude from check in day.

He ends up telling me that the music is from the beach party, but that no one was there. So I suggested going up to the sky bar for a drink, because I mean I want to dance. Ends up being dead up there too, so I ask the bartender where we could go. He offers up La Bamba, so that’s where we end up. Which was a super dope! So much fun, but by the end of the night I realized that the friendship I was attempting to brew was definitely not… I mean forehead kisses and touchy feely. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy those things very much so. But that was definitely not the vibe I was giving off at all. He was next level. So me being me, I just dance and vibe with the people around me, because who knows this man might have gotten down on one knee… haha… my intentions were to dance, not form a four day relationship… I was pretty certain I made that clear… so that was the end of that. 

I scraped that friendship, snipped that real quick. Which left me me in the market for new friends. And I found them, and they were freaking awesome!!! Two cool guys from Quebec, one is a paramedic and the other an entrepreneur. So chill!!! We had so many freaking laughs, it was good times. Our spot was the sky bar, and everyone loved us because we had jokes hahahaha. I mean a hat the reads “FREE CANDY” says it all.

One of the nights, the bartender ends up suggesting a night out and of course we weren’t going to say no. Because I mean let’s dance!!!! So me and the Frenchies have our last drink at the bar and the bartender meets us outside. We hop in a cab and end up dancing the night away. With the Frenchies whispering all sort of nonsense, ‘he wants you’, ‘are you going to give it to him?’…. hahaha… my reply “no fuckers, that’s why you guys came to ensure my safety”…

Why they were saying this… while because throughout this whole time, the past few days, me and the bartender been flirting… don’t judge. He was cute and a girl can flirt. It’s been a while. Half of the time, we were speaking Portuguese-Spanish with a touch of English hahaha… Why not?! All innocent fun. Until it wasn’t… 

Okay… so… um…. He whiped out his dick… and your girl ran away so fast, you don’t even know… haha. So I’ll paint the picture. One of the nights he closed, he invited me back up and I went. And we kissed and things got a bit heated, it turned into an intense make out, nothing more but then the penis appears. And I’m like ‘No No NOOOOO’ this is definitely not what is happening. Don’t get me wrong I would have enjoyed getting some D, it’s been a while… but it just ain’t like that. A girl just wanted a kiss, make out is cool too but that’s all… nothing more… that was it! But of course, the moment was ruined… WHY!?! I don’t get it… guys and their dicks man. Okay we were kissing, but no where in that did I say whip it out nor did it even get close to a point in which you would whip out. I don’t get it… fucking dicks ruin everything. 

And so, I legit conjure up the greatest of reasons for why I need to go… ‘my friend’s boyfriend is here I have to watch him’… yeah, I’m great on the fly… not! WTF?!!!! I would never, that’s too much, I won’t even watch my man, and if a friend ever asked me to watch hers I wouldn’t even get involved. The worst, but hey it worked.. hahaha… I needed an escape.

And I did it, ending up back into my safe zone, with my amigos, aka the Frenchies in the lobby. And that is when I found more friends, which ended up being the smallest of worlds. 

So the day before, me, my mom and the couple were having a drink in the lobby after dinner. It was a windy night so service was slow, as everyone was inside, so I went to the bar to grab a drink and I met this guy. Super cool dude. Our conversation was next level random mixed with dry humour. But that was that, I went back to hang with my people and bed.

So that next night, before the whole incident… the whip out. My people had got to bed and I was with the Frenchies at sky bar then the lobby. And when we were in the lobby, there was an intermingle of people. Everyone just hanging out. And at one point I noticed a hookah, like WTF?! Hookah in Cuba… so of course that will strike up a conversation.

Which then led to new introductions, one of the bunch that I must say is worth sharing…. the human known as ‘Shhhmoney’. I mean, that is some great shit right there.

At one point, me and my intoxicated self yell out, asking ‘YOOO…Where is …?’ followed by the response ‘I am …’, which he was definitely not the person I was referring to. Nevertheless, I head over as they were the same group of people. And we chatted, something in my head was like ‘ummmmm’.

So side story my friend mentioned that her crush was headed to Cuba. So I don’t know what it was, but I just had to ask. Next thing you know he is the guy… her crush… HAHAHAHAHA… small fucking world.

I actually only met him once, and that was years and years ago, and in a group setting. So I didn’t remember what he looked like. It was hilarious though, I must say. Good times. 

Hence the excuse getting out of the awkward situation which occurred moments earlier. It was the only thing I could think of on the spot… haha.

Next day, was the last and extremely chill. Nothing crazy, nothing wild. It was bittersweet while hilarious. So the Frenchies were still staying, they had met a couple who lived in Ottawa and they were to be there new amigos, as for my other amigos, some were leaving and others were staying. The super cool dude was leaving, we actually thought we were on the same flight. But nope.

I met with the Frenchies mid day, got introduced to the couple from Ottawa. Which they were cool, but I mean too much sex talk, it was white girl keep your man sex talk. And like, I’m Portuguese… raised old school traditional, that isn’t table conversation, especially on a first time meet. Don’t get me wrong I’m a freak, but I’m not going to talk about it extensively at first encounter. It was a bit much… luckily super cool dude was hanging out nearby so I fluttered my way over. And that led to some pretty interesting story telling.

Both of us half dead from the night before just walking around not know what to do with our lives. We grab some ice cream, he asks so ‘did anything interesting happen during your week?’ and my response filled with so much to say, says ‘meh, not really’, he then catches a glimpse of this lady. This blonde, older woman, skinny, yellow tiniest of dresses sitting on the couch looking half worn, he then proceeds to tell me how much of a nut she is… hahaha.

One night, a group of them were all talking and sex become a topic, which then led to kinkiness. And next thing he know she grabbed his arm gripped it from behind and pulled his hair… in front of everyone in the middle of a conversation. HAHAHAHA… that’s some weird shit! And apparently, she did it to one of the dad’s in there group. Like WTF?!

OoOoOo man, at that point, I was like ‘well I did have a dick whipped out on me’… hahaha… which ended up resulting in a numerous amount of ‘whipping it out’ jokes for the rest of the day. So that was pretty entertaining. Sacrifices… funny shit comes from awkward moments. #FACTS

Anyways, it was good. A good trip. I got my much needed rest, along side a few adventures. I got to relax with my mom, who had lots of laughs with my story sharing. Laughs she very much needed.  It was a much needed reboot, especially for my mom and so I was really glad we went. And though at first it was a bit of mess, it all worked out.  

Ps. if you are wondering about cute loner guy, he found a four day girlfriend and posted that shit on Facebook… glad I dodged that one! 

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