Self-love is probably one of the most difficult things. Why?! Because sometimes we think we’re good, we’re confident, accepting and embracing who it is we are… thinking, or should I say, believing we got this whole self-love thing on track. And really we don’t, we aren’t even close. And this, this is what makes is difficult, it is the denial we feed ourselves, believing our own lies.
So first, I want breakdown what that denial of self-love looks like, than I’m going to explain how the eight ways on how to implement self love. And not in a cocky kind of way, but a meaningful one, which will create more appreciation for who it is you are. In addition, if you are still in denial after it all, that is, the breakdown, well I got a bonus…. QUIZ!!!! This will provide you a guide to whether or not you are giving yourself the love you need… the love you so willing give to others, offering you insight on how it is you understand self-love and what could be done to improve your practice.
So, let’s begin…
WHAT IS SELF-LOVE?
Now I don’t mean, face masks, nails done, hair treatments, spa day kind of self love. I mean true self-love… What is it? Because even though pampering and treating ourselves may seem like self-love, it isn’t, it is often a detour… a distraction to what you really need to do in showing yourself the love you desperately need… and desire. Spa days, unless done in correspondence with true self-love are just quick fixes… a bandaid to wound that will inevitably open once again, granted that it wasn’t never healed.
Self-love is owning your own and being perfectly okay with it regardless of what others say. It is respecting your space, time and energy during both good and day days. It is understanding yourself completely in those moments of turmoil, to which you grant yourself the patience and trust required to heal from the chaos that rattled your soul in the first place. It is prioritizing internal serenity and harmony by any means necessary, despite how difficult it meant be. It is acknowledging your mental state and embracing it, not criticizing or pitying yourself… it is about trusting the process, being honest with yourself about where you are, having both patience and kindness toward the soul and heart.
Self-love is knowing when to push yourself and when to refrain… step back. It is understanding when to let go and when to hold on, while ensuring you are not comprising your self worth… sacrificing your needs for those of others. It is doing the hard thing, when you prefer the comfort of what you know. It is standing in your own… having faith in yourself despite the doubts and insecurities.
SELF-LOVE IS ULTIMATELY LOVING YOURSELF REGARDLESS IF YOU LIKE YOURSELF IN THE MOMENT. IT IS BEING OKAY, WITH NOT BEING OKAY.
It sounds like lot, and it is, but it doesn’t mean it’s unattainable. It is a working process, one that will last a lifetime. And that is the beauty, self-love is consistently changing, relative to the situation, people and surroundings… promoting internal growth and discovery, looking different for everyone. There is no right way, or even one way, there is only your way. And now that might sound scary as there is no definitive route, but there are guidelines by which we can use to pave our journey of self-love… ways in which we can utilize to make it easier to find a method.. a formula we can implement to ensure we aren’t neglecting ourselves.
The hardest of them all, as it requires internal investigation relative to external factors. So it is ever changing, and not universal. Honesty entails looking inward, noting how it is you are feeling, where it is you are and how it is impacting you, all of which is relative to what is present in the moment. And with that, whether or not you like where and how it all is, you are honest with yourself about it, rather than in denial simply because it isn’t where you want to be. Which brings me to my next point.
Honesty and acceptance go hand and hand. In order to be honest we must accept and in order to accept we must be honest. That means we have to stop denying the very emotions, feelings and thoughts that are present, the ones we are desperately trying to void and embrace them so that we can transform them into something useful. Combating them with love rather not resistance.
Be grateful for it all, the good, the bad and even the ugly. The fact that we experience the bad means we can experience the good. It is a balance, ying and yang. We require the presence of both in order to make a distinction and truly appreciate. And it is not only appreciating the good, but appreciating the bad as well, as it teaches us something about ourselves. Be grateful for that. It is self-discovery. Embrace your emotions, feelings and thoughts by being grateful that you even have them. And whether good or bad, whether you want them or not, acknowledge them and appreciate them for what they are and with that comes respect.
There is no shame in how we feel or don’t feel, no shame in what we think or don’t, no shame in what brings us emotional turmoil or emotional enlightenment. It is what it is, nothing more nothing less. Show yourself respect by not abstracting and attributing anything additional to what or how it is you think or feel. And should you require time to process, give yourself that time and that peace by any means necessary. There is no shame in having to stepping back or remove yourself in order to appropriately register your emotions, thoughts and feelings. It is about respecting them enough to do whatever is necessary to honour them.
We honour ourselves by being true to ourselves and what it is we need. That can be from ourselves of from others. It can also be, for ourselves. In other words, honouring ourselves requires us to tune into what we require in the moment. Is it space, time, sleep… what it is that we need in the moment, and then proceed to follow through by taking action.
6. Consistent Balance
Both implementing and maintaining balance can be difficult, knowing when to push yourself and when to tap out hence why consistency is key. Consistency in finding balance. It is extremely easy to give our energy away, without giving it back to ourselves… and when we do that we aren’t showing ourselves the respect we deserve.
With that said, it is about setting an even ground for yourself. The same energy we give out, should be the same energy we give ourselves. And finding balance is not something which happens overnight, it takes practice to begin prioritizing ourselves the same way we prioritize others. Setting that time aside to re-energize and tune in to what it is we need. Which then brings me to my next point… patience.
It is a journey, one that requires a lot of patience. And being that we are our number one critic, it is imperative that we are patient with ourselves through the process of getting to know ourselves. Meaning we shouldn’t be disappointed or discouraged if something goes wrong along the way. Embrace the set backs… the slips, and make room for improvement in future endeavours.
8. Be simple & choose you
If you get a bad feeling or sense something off, go with it; or if you have butterflies or excitement about something or someone, go with it… don’t make anything more or less. Take things as they are for what they are. Mistakes or successes are just mistakes or successes. There are no hidden messages or meanings in life, it all is what it is. Keep it simple and don’t read into things. Go with what you sense and feel regardless of what others may say or do, despite disagreements or/and lack of validation. If you want to do something, do it; if you want to no longer be a part of something, then don’t. Choose you, over and over and over again, as you are the one who must live with the effect of your actions and your choices. And when doing anything do it for you, because you really want too, and not because if any other reason.
Self love is self awareness
In the end, self-love is ultimately self-awareness. It is the ability to know yourself… to be so tune in to your thoughts, feelings and emotions. And not on a emotional rollercoaster level, but in a way you are capable of reading the harmony of the universe and along with constituents. It is understanding where you are at… when, why and how. And these eight simple guidelines are just tools we can use to come to that understanding sooner -quicker. Most importantly, they are guidelines we can use to set boundaries, place limits and stick by them -respect them.
20 Question Quiz
Find out if you are denying yourself the self-love you deserve…