Majority of the time break ups result in hurt, pain and anger. We become angry because we wasted time, hurt because we invested emotion and pained because we gave our energy. And we can get so caught up in it all that we become lost. Not knowing how we got to this place filled with nothing be emptiness.
Relationships consume so much of us. We develop habits, routines, when we make space for people in our lives. So much so, that when it comes to an end, we lose ourselves, granted that we no longer know what life looks like without them. And so, it can be difficult figuring out what to do next, how to move forward and find ourselves again.
But note, these notions can overcome us without a break up in the midst. It could be a falling out or a disappearing act. Regardless of the particulars, all and in any case it results in feeding our self-doubts, insecurities and inner demons. Which makes it only that much more difficult to get to a happy place… to place of confidence and self actualization… a place of self certainty.
So with that said, the one and only thing you need to get to your happy place quicker and easier than you have in the past is self-love.
It’s all about self-love. Because you see, when we allow someone into our life, when we make space for them, we redirect our love. No longer giving it to ourselves, as we now have someone to give our love to. Most importantly, someone to give love to us. And so, we rely on their love for us, rather than our love for ourselves. And that, that alone is what has majority of us feeling lost… the displacement of self-love redirected to another.
That is the vary thing we need to turn around, take control of and get back in harmony with the universe and with ourselves. It sounds fairly simple, but it requires a fair amount of discipline along counteractive behaviour to combat a lost heart. So, how do we do this?!
We must monitor our language. What are we saying about the situation? How are we saying it? And to whom are we saying it too? This is important, because whether or not we are saying it while asking for advice or confiding in someone, it is being said and therefore being put out into the universe; more importantly, it is being said to ourselves, reflective of not only how we feel about the situation, but about our being. And in moments like these, we can start to say extreme falsehoods, putting ourselves down and feeding into our inner demons as we justify doing so with reference to the situation. And that is no way to get over anything and move pass.
If you beat yourself down, how do you expect to have the strength to pull through and get it together?!
Break ups are about building yourself up, rather than finding every excuse to blame yourself or wonder what you could have done or what you shouldn’t have… where you were lacking or where they were. In other words, it isn’t dissecting that will pull you through or even finding explanations for closure. It is about learning the lessons and accepting the outcome of events, whether you like them or not.
Again sounds simple, but accepting is harder than we realize at times. Majority of the time we misconstrue accepting and resisting… we deny. We think that by denying our feelings, thoughts about that situation we are accepting. We say things such as, “I’m not going to think about it”, “I don’t even care”… those are lies. You are going to think about it and you most definitely care. ACCEPT IT!!! If the thought comes or the feelings pour, allow it, don’t resist or deny, acknowledge it then let it go.
Once we acknowledge and accept, we can learn. Acceptance opens the space to discovery… that is, learning about ourselves. And what is self-love if not, learning about ourselves?! Our strengths, our weaknesses, pains, sorrows, joys and etc… that’s growth. Naturally evolving as a human, as social creature. That’s everything! That’s gold!
Because getting over anything in life is about moving forward and not looking back, accepting and learning. Most importantly, it is about having faith that it wasn’t meant for you… it was meant to occur as it did, otherwise it would be different. And that’s that, nothing more, nothing less.
And that is self-love… undeniable confidence. So have your cries, throw your tantrums, vent… do your retail therapy and even pamper yourself. Prepare yourself for what tomorrow can bring and leave behind what yesterday unfolded. And know that you are stronger than what broke you.