There is something to be said about a first date, especially when it is with someone you have been crushing on from afar since you first met. Apparently something that ran both ways. Someone you have known for years, but yet not known… if that makes any sense. Acquaintances who have remained connected throughout the time, pauses here and there, yet still linked in a way… and in the least, found our way back… or for better words, found our way to one and another.
So interesting how the world works… the universe. Pulling people away to pull them together… and vice verse… pushing people together just to push them away. All for timing… I guess?! Who knows?! Kind of beautiful in a way and trust me I ain’t complaining. I would have no problem repeating painful memories all over again for this… this vary soul. As crazy as that sounds of those whose have been with me through it all, you would think I was crazy… insane to say that.
But there is just something so different… something so special… organic and authentic about it all. It’s quite amazing, both growing from our past and out of our insecurities, to a place where it all just works. A place where it all just flows naturally. And had we linked sooner, it wouldn’t have, we probably would have destroyed each other. So even though, it took this long to arrive at something as incredible as this… and even though, I endured pain throughout that time, I wouldn’t trade it, because without either or, it would have never been anywhere near what this is now. More importantly, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate it, appreciate him.
You need the bad, the ugly and the freaking terrible in order to recognize something as beautiful as this.
Our first date was unbelievable, best first date yet… and I was flown to Tulum for first date… so I mean?! That kind of says something… it says it all actually haha. The vibe was unreal, 21 questions and another 32 conversations, each getting lost while building on one another. It was an incredible night filled with active engagement. So authentic… so organic…
But the funny part is looking back at it, it was a low key ‘cut-the shit’… real talk. Neither of us wanted to waste time given our past along with our fears of history repeating itself. But that didn’t kill the vibe, it didn’t change the flow. We ended staying out until 3am, and not one moment of silence.
The next date being the exact same flow, questions and conversation… the mind of this man is incredible. His soul impeccable. I swear I’m part of the lucky woman’s club… it actually brings tears to my eyes, because never in a million years would I ever think this possible. Still pinching myself to make sure it’s real. I know it sounds crazy in way, but when majority of what you have endured has been pain alongside countless disappointments, you begin to doubt the possibly of something good… never mind next level amazing.
And I know there will come hurdles, but I’m not worried. I must say, I’m impressed at what we have managed to uncover so far without pulling teeth. Digging into what most couples take years to find out about each other, we have managed to nail down in two dates. And don’t get me wrong, we probably, and for sure have a lot to figure out along the way. But the fact, that we have managed to figure out as much as we have in this short period, blows my mind.
Zero censorship with everything on the table with such ease, such comfort. Both giddy over one and other aiming to impress, but without the fakeness… without the mask. But I guess that is the beauty of two severely damaged hearts coming together, not wanting to waste time in avoidance of getting hurt. You just cut the shit. And that’s goals… having that comfort with one and other, yet aiming to impress, it keeps that spark alive… long time.
We get to a certain age and we start to realize how precious time really is. For so much could be done with our time… and after countless letdowns and the ultimate disappointments, why invest time into something that isn’t worth it?! Why waste more time?! More importantly, why position yourself to get hurt, when you can avoid it?!
And honestly, I’m over the bullshit. Hence why I haven’t been on dates, I don’t do dates. I can literally look at a person, chat them up for a quick one to two, and I know. And we can vibe, but I still know… I’ll entertain, but never pursue. For two very obvious reasons: 1. I don’t have time to waste and 2. I don’t have time to waste…. haha. One being that, I have enough projects in my life, building my business and creating my livelihood. Two being that, I want love, real love no nonsense, so if I already sense any sort of adversity toward the person and/or situation, why bother?!
I’ve come to a point, I know my worth and with that I’m not going to compromise what I want, most importantly not going to compromise what I need. And so, I waited it out, never truly investing into anything, until an opportunity for something real presented itself. And I couldn’t have asked for anything better. It all happened so fast, but when you know… you know. You can’t fake something real, especially when certainty is involved.
At the end of it all, we need to be smart when it comes to the game of love, we need to be sure to protect our hearts while at the same time offering them up. We can’t conceal ourselves to the point that we limit the possibility of its opportunity. In other words, we must be willing to see what it is that is in front us, whether it be nonsense or real, we must be in a place ready to receive regardless of outcome. Most importantly, we must be ready to accept and just allow things to flow.
Black & White Answers is about the journey of life… doubt and hurt… deceit, pain and love. It encompasses all that is, all that was and all that will be. A collection of poems, which tells more than just a story… They share a journey, the search on how to find, and love yourself amidst heartache. It asks and answers questions which the soul desires while the heart dreads, yet the mind appreciates. It is a clearing…