Black & White Answers

Poetry dedicated to how to find and
love yourself in the midst of heartache.
It is…
A dance with the Devil,
A talk with a God and
The thoughts within a Soul.

-Poetry for all kinds of emotions-

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You left,
Without a single word,
Without warning,
So abruptly,
As if I did something to you,
Wronged you,
In some way.

It was almost as if,
I was nothing,
We were nothing,
So insignificant,
That you couldn’t even offer a farewell.

What could I have done so terrible,
I was unworthy of an explanation?
Or just a simple goodbye?

I can’t seem to figure out,
How I did what I did,
Act so out of character,
Doing things that,
Go against every fibre of my being,
Doing things,
That I never thought I would do,
Things that I despised.

It was like I was someone else,
Someone completely different,
Unrecognizable,
To the point that,
I didn’t even know,
The person in the mirror.

For I knew it was wrong,
Knew I shouldn’t have,
Been doing what I was.
Yet I enjoyed every minute of it,
I loved it,
Feeling so alive.

Yet I can’t help but wonder,
What it all meant,
And now all I want are answers.
For who I am?
What does it all make me?

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Why did you come back,
To only walk out again?

Was it to break my heart a second time?
Secure the nails,
Ensure their position,
That they stay as is.

For you already left me feeling unworthy,
Insignificant,
And unloved once before.
Why do it again?

For didn’t you,
Already do enough damage,
Cause enough pain?!

Why did you feel the need to do it twice?
Was once not enough?
What was your intention?
What was the point?

I’m waiting,
Been waiting,
For the day,
The day you give me your approval,
The day you tell me,
Tell me,
I made you proud.

The day you can speak of me,
With nothing but smiles.
I wait for that day,
You say ‘I’m proud of you’.
I won’t hold my breath though,
As I don’t know,
When that day will come,
But I do know,
It is coming.

So until that day,
I ask,
Why is it,
That is,
That you aren’t proud of me?

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Switch

I’m filled with so much rage,
So much anger I get lost in it all,
Not knowing how to control it,
Or where it even stems from.

For I just go black,
Stuck in self-defensive,
Losing all reason,
All rationality,
And logic,
Without any desire,
Or thought,
Zero comprehension.

I no longer want to see black ,
No longer want to feed into this chaos,
That consumes me.
For I hurt so many around me,
With what I do,
What I say.

How do I stop this from happening?
Where is the off switch?

How could you,
Leave me feeling so alone?
So empty?

Taking everything away,
From under my feet,
Leaving my soul as dark,
And cold as it is today,
Without hope?
Without faith?
More importantly,
Without love?

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