daddy issues

Daddy Issues

I wish I could,
Scrap the memory of you,
I wish didn’t think of you,
Feel for you,
Care for you,
Never thought of you.

More importantly,
I wish,
The day you left,
Was the last,
Of our interaction,
Of your presence,
Your being in my life.

I wish,
It was the last time,
I thought of you,
The last time,
We would cross paths.
But I know,
There will never be a last.

I sit here,
Wondering,
Wondering if you realize,
Realize what you lost.
What you threw away,
As though,
It was nothing,
We were nothing,
I was nothing.

For I was once,
The apple of your eye,
And now,
I’m a distance memory,
A memory you claim not to have,
One that you deny,
Yet,
Conveniently remember,
But only,
And only when,
It is to your advantage.

For now I see,
That I was a means to an end,
For we all were.

So unfortunate how you played your cards,
For you could have had everything,
But choose nothing.

Abandoning in all that was built,
For what?!
Pride,
Praise,
Glory,
For what?!

Abandoning,
At the thought of something different,
Something more,
Yet,
Receiving everything but.

I ask myself,
How is it you sleep at night?
For you claim,
You have lived in treacherous,
Horrendous,
Conditions of life.

Yet,
From what I know,
What I remember,
From what I lived,
You were the one who caused such treachery,
Instilled so much fear,
Horror,
In our lives,
In my life.

And yet,
You were the one who was suppose to protect,
Protect us,
Protect me,
From all of that.

So, tell me…

Tell me how one should feel?!

Tell me how one should act?!

For you abandon us,
In me,
All for selfish reasons.

Now tell me,
What am I to expect from the outside world?
When all you have taught me,
All you have shown me,
All you have treated me as,
Is the vary thing you claimed to protect me from.

So,
Again I ask,
What am I to expect from the outside world?

Because all I know now,
Is I am to protect myself,
For no one is to be trusted.

So, tell me,
Is that a life to live?!

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