For the last two months I have been battling a skin reaction. It has been terrible, some days better than others, and some days I just wish I could rip off my skin. At times, contemplating death, it is that bad. And, for me to say that takes a lot, as I have a huge pain tolerance, and usually laugh at any sign of injury, even if it is me who is injured.
I have literally blown off the side of my foot due to a pressure-water, and walked away laughing and limping at the incident, while co-workers pointed out the exposed flesh and blood bath in my shoe. That’s just me! I hurt myself all the time, and growing up with a brother, you are the doll… it is WWF! I don’t know how many times I was Chokeslam or Jackhammered, but it happened. There were times my brother would flip me, turning me in all sort of directions, wrestling me, when really I had no idea what the fuck was happening I would just go with that, and there were time I would get injured. One time, he flipped me so hard that my knee hit my nose and I started bleeding, I didn’t cry… I actually laughed but, my brother’s immediate reaction was ‘shhhhh, don’t say anything… you’re okay’, so I went to my room, cleaned the blood and stopped the bleeding; and, when asked, nothing happened I was jumping and hurt myself I’m okay. And, I was. So, pain isn’t much, so if and when I ever ‘complain’, so to say, it is because it’s something significant.
And, to be honest I actually enjoy pain, it feels good. It’s such a release. All my tattoos were done during a moment of much needed release, and it was… a release. Maybe, I’m a freak, but I laugh at pain. It’s enjoyable to me. But, of course, there is a theshold. There is a limitation, a point in which you can no longer tolerate.
The first time I ever had a moment where I couldn’t tolerate the pain, I mean unbearable pain, was when I found out I had a tumor in my brain, one that doctors won’t dare to touch unless life threatening during to its position, and even then I won’t trust them touching it… so, it is still very much present and it definitely affects me every now again… it’s just a matter of keeping an eye on it, so it doesn’t grow, but that is a whole other story. But, let’s talk about the most recent, my skin reaction.
So, for the past two months I have been battling a terrible skin reaction. It has been non-stop itching, leaving me restless, exhausted and frustrated; especially because I am starting a new journey. I have been sleeping in bathtubs filled with water, putting aloe vera on my skin at least 4 times a day and intensifying my healthy lifestyle to overcome the current struggle that is my life. And believe me it is been horrific, yes it’s wonderful living by the beach, but it isn’t everything. Health is everything.
But regardless of the struggle, the suffering and everything else that comes with it, it has taught me a lot… shown me a lot. For things could be worse, so be grateful that they aren’t. And, I know that is easier said than done. But, listen for the last two months, I have went from one extreme to other, out and everywhere to indoors and nowhere; and, it has taken a toll on me. Not only due to the lack of interaction with the outside world, but due to repercussions. Not only am I unable to concentrate, but I’m unable to live; especially, when I am in the midst of making a career out of writing. And, itis most definitely takes a lot to accept.
So, given the obstacles, it can be easy for one to be ungrateful, feeding into negatively. But, if there is anything this situation has taught me is that it is easy to become ungrateful witin just a days activities.. so to say, one grows more ungrateful as the day progresses. But, here is it thing it could be worse.
Yes, whatever you are going through right now might be one of the hardest things ever, but in a few years you will look bad and laugh. In addition, what you are going through could be much worst, so bad that it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But, you push and continuing pushing.
And, It’s not going to lie, it’s hard, but it’s a choice. And, yes, there are time where you feel shitty, worthless and unproductive… and if you are anything like me, you just want to keep going, even when you can;’t, but you push anyway. But, it doesn’t change the fcat that it pains you, that you impacts you in ways that very few notice.
Everyday is a battle, a struggle… but, it could be worst, regardless of how you feel right now it could most definitely be worst. And, as the day goes on and the battles of life that we are dealing with become more apparent throughout the day, it could be worse.
The problem, we can become so ungrateful as th eday progresses, especially with all the dealing of life. And, one of the most important lessons this whole situation has taught me is just how ungrateful one can become due something so newt, something which causes irritation, aggravation, and exhaustion; especially when there ae so many things which cause something so much greater, which have could be much worse.
So, rather than sit there and throw yourself a pity party… rather than feeding into the victim role, feeling sorry for yourself… being ungrateful for that which you don’t have or that which you’re going through, be grateful for that which you do have and that which you aren’t going through… because it could be worse. You could be fighting of your life. So, take a moment, analyze your situation and consider the potential of something much worse than which you are going through, and be grateful that you aren’t in that situation. Because, no matter what you are going through it could be worse.
Be healthy and avoid unnecessary visits to the doctor.
Black & White Answers is about the journey of life… doubt and hurt… deceit, pain and love. It encompasses all that is, all that was and all that will be. A collection of poems, which tells more than just a story… They share a journey, the search on how to find, and love yourself amidst heartache. It asks and answers questions which the soul desires while the heart dreads, yet the mind appreciates. It is a clearing…
NUMB SERIES This was a moment in my life that was life changing, eye opening, mouth dropping… a moment where I felt nothing, numb to all that was, it was my way of coping.. until I realized the consequences…
THE JOURNEY This is the road to fulfilling my life’s purpose… it is the journey that will ultimately transform my soul on levels that are unimaginable. A lot of healing, growing, learning… wisdom… enlightenment at its finest.
REAL TALK This is some realness… Some nitty gritty exposed.