Living?!

Structured Chaos

Jun. 30

I can’t help but wonder, as to how much one can actually care, if they aren’t willing to step outside where ever it is that is holding them back. For as I see it, I have, I have stepped beyond that which is known to me, I have worked harder than ever before in doing things outside of my comfort, so why is it that others can’t? That is, if you truly care, are you not willing to do anything and everything? Or is that just high expectations?!

The inconsistency leaves me unexpectedly twisted at times, doubting how others truly care about that they claim to care for when actions illustrate otherwise.

For is not what you truly care for, a mirror of your actions?! For who would, or better yet, could not act on that which they care about?! Doesn’t caring necessitate action?! Or does it come down to personality… can people be excused of their ‘failure to’, ‘inability’ … unwillingness?! That is, are they justified in who it is that they are?! Or it is a lesson… a flag, a cycle of the past?! If it’s the latter, the next question is… what is the lesson? Whereas, the former would be followed by, where do we draw the line?!

It’s hard to say… to give a chance or not?! For it is imprudent to trust that which has deceived us even once. (Descartes) And I can most definitely say that, I for one have deceived myself on multiple occasions… whether it be my heart leading the way or my emotions… my thoughts… I have definitely misled myself and regardless if others played a role, the choice of action was mine. And so here we are faced with this question… forced to trust ourselves, regardless of deceit, while in reference to it…

Question is why…

Through experience we have learnt what and who to stay clear of, we develop our own set of principles to live by, some of which have helped us get to where we are today, but some of which restrict us. The key is knowing to what extent are they actually benefit us and to what extent do they limit us.

But, here is the thing, most of us expect more than what they give, or better yet, many of us offer nothing while wanting everything. And to that I say, GOODLUCK! Why? Because, those individuals are neglecting to see the beauty of humanity, failing to acknowledge the sacrifices and risks others are taking, while they just sit there in ignorance.

As life goes on, we become more mindful of time due to experiences and life events, we become more cautious of how we vest our time and who we vest our time in. We develop this way of being like no other, for everyone is unique in their ways, each perspective distinct from the rest -that is the beauty of humanity.

And, for that reason we each create a set of boundaries and limitations as to what we expose ourselves too and who we expose ourselves too. And not so much expose, but rather, be opened too. We place limitations on the extent we are willing to go, the sacrifices we are willing to make and the risks we are willing to take. We develop a set of principles to live by, a set restrictions on what we are willing to tolerate, the emotions we are willing to feel and the people we are willing to let in, including the extent we are willing to let them in.

Ultimately, these boundaries and limitations illustrate who we are in nature -our understanding of life and all its’ constituents, for it amplifies our strengths of the expected and highlighs our fears of the unexpected. Our understanding of ourselves, others and the world is key to knowing when and how our set principles both benefit and restrict us.

And it is only through experience… bad experiences that we become really good at deciphering what is good and bad for us, what we want to be a part of and what we have no interest in. Life events teach us lessons about who we are in the world, as well as who others are, and throughout life there are patterns – recurring cycles, which are lessons that have yet to be learned, hence the repetition.

The problem comes in knowing the difference… is it something new or just the past on repeat?!

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